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Nuwalket #51

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:12/30/2016 04:19:07Copy HTML

 You didn't mention ages or sex of the people making the comments but either it's young guys trying to act macho, young girls with the Ewwww factor (with apologies to Jimmy Fallon) or older women who feel they have the right to criticize everyone and everything. I've heard the comments and laughs but deep down there is a bit of envy. Any trouble, unless they are calling the law to have you removed, I'd say walk away. You feel insecure? no, I'd say they were the ones who are insecure!
nicethong82 #52

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:12/31/2016 03:10:17Copy HTML

 i think of it like how Stan Lee put it when someone said F you to him. that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. that is the highest honor. lol
JM_Runs #53

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:05/16/2018 12:14:29Copy HTML

Today on Facebook a saw a quote:

"Our thinking either makes us feel good or it makes us feel bad.
It's not the events nearly as much as it's the thoughts." - Louise Hay

Reminded me of good book that came out many years ago, "Dinosaur Brains: Dealing with ALL THOSE Impossible People at Work." It taught that the problem was not with the people, but how their dinosaur like actions triggered rage deep in the primitive dinosaur part of my own brain.

Until we understand how a single comment or challenge can trigger in us sudden involuntary anger or fear,
we can't decided to change our reaction and internal thinking.

It takes work and practice to overcome our gut reactions. You just have to (a) Get out there and do it. (b) Work hard on ones smiles and take all comments with grace.

Only want positive comments?  Sorry you don't get that choice. However you can set the tone of most interactions by being open, friendly and greeting everyone with a smile.  Practice expressing and sharing excessive happiness.


Mary0826 #54

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:05/16/2018 04:15:58Copy HTML

 JM -- You are right.  Nobody can expect positive comments all the time.  You could get a negative comment for virtually anything you do or don't do.  I grew up in a small town, and we hold doors for each other, regardless of age or physical abilities.  I once held a door for a person in a wheel chair.  I assumed my actions would be appreciated, especially since the person was having enough trouble as things were.  Instead of a positive comment, neutral comment, or no comment at all, I got a "How dare you hold the door for me.  You are treating me like an invalid or something.  I have limitations but do not need your help or the help of anyone else."  

Where I am going is that everyone can get a negative comment almost any time and about almost any thing.  Positive comments seem to be rarer, unfortunately.  I still hold doors for people in wheel chairs, but usually will say something like "I can hold the door if you want me to."

The book you suggest, "Dinosaur Brains, dealing with..." is still available.  Amazon has new for about $20 and used from a couple of bucks up.  Shipping may be extra.  The authors are Albert J. Bernstein and Sydney Craft Rozen.  The ISBN number for the latest edition (1996) is 

ISBN-10: 0345410211


ISBN-13: 978-0345410214

The author's name(s) and ISBN numbers will direct any good bookseller or library to this specific book.  If your local library does not have this book. most can order it from another regional library for free.  I make it a point to get a library copy of a book to see how I like it before I purchase it.

Mary
JM_Runs #55

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:05/16/2018 01:56:12Copy HTML

I was recommended to read Dinosaur Brains many years ago, when I was having difficulty dealing with idiot bosses.
I found that book very hard to read, because instead of giving me tricks to help me manage them, the book explained their Dinosaur like actions were causing Dinosaur responses deep within my brain. - My thinking was "I am not the problem, they are." 

However the book taught me I had little control over them, and could only control my response. - And only maybe, if they were unable to get me to react with their provoking action, they might change the way they interacted with me. 

Gets back to the idea that I can't stop you from being an ass hole, but I can control my reaction. If the person is unable to trigger my dinosaur response their emotional attack is neutralized or minimized.

If I can keep my emotions completely under control, keep a level head, and keep the sound of stress out of my voice, I defeat and control.

I have heard taking public speaking classes helps. I took some classes when young.  Sometimes they recommend thinking about your audience being naked. I think it is better to have actually been naked in public, and overcome your fear of judgement by others. While both nudist camps and Toast-Master meetings provide sympathetic audiences, for practice, the real test in self-confidence is when you walk out on a crowed public beach, in a thong.
pkthong #56

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:05/16/2018 02:51:36Copy HTML

 Our reaction to any negative comment or attitude is key. My sister from another mister is a liberal So. Cal gal..... BUT....... she doesn’t approve of my swimwear. She hasn’t seen me in a thong or g string but is aware of my proclivity for them. However she has seen me in rio bikinis on several occasions including her recent wedding in Tulum. She and my wife are good friends and they will gang up on me to ridicule and try to embarrass me. I just smile and nod , I always find that being defensive leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. OTOH when I just take it in stride someone will usually stand up for me. On that trip my wife said something about my “thong” and sis said “yeah that’s really abnormal “. As usual I find this attitude more with American raised people more than others. Also when a woman expresses disdain if there are other women around one will tend to disagree with the negativity and others may come actually approve, changing the entire vibe.
NudeNArizona #57

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:11/28/2018 11:28:55Copy HTML

On our honeymoon we stayed at a hotel that was listed as a "romantic resort and spa" in Austria. Prior to our arrival we spoke with the hotel manager and were informed that the spa/pool/ and lounging patio were clothing optional.

As we toured the property after arriving it was quite quiet and very few guest's. So I ask again about nudity since we had not witnessed anyone in the common spa areas, and again were assured we were welcome to wear whatever we pleased and only told that if we were nude we needed to have a towel as a barrier between our bodies and what we might be sitting on.

The first day we walked to the pool wearing cover-ups then removed them once at the pool, still not encountering other guests early in the week, after 30 minutes or so one of the staff came in to ask if we would like drinks or food to which we agreed, but since the cafe'/bar was a vendor we needed to pay them directly, so we covered up to go back to the room for cash but along the way I passed the manager who gave us the tour and she ask how our stay was so far. We said Great and she ask why we were leaving the pool so soon, then we told her about the money for drinks and she ask why we got re-dressed to go to our room, so once at the room we undressed before walking back to the pool, this time passing another hotel guest but no comment other than hello.

We continued using the facilities nude for the following two day while interacting with others without incident, until Thursday when a group of older British tourist arrived. While sunbathing on a lounger a group of men first came to the lounger area clothed and noticed my nude wife laying on a lounger but nothing crude was said. A few minutes later a few of the wives came out to the sundeck. Noticing my nude wife on the lounger they "slut shammed her" calling her a whore and saying how disgusting she was for showing her naked body around these men, and she should be ashamed of herself.  Just so happens the manager came walking out to the sundeck while this was going on and told the women that if they couldn't contain themselves they would have to leave, and even offered to buy us dinner at the hotel restaurant that night for our troubles.

bmicro #58

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:12/03/2018 12:50:08Copy HTML

What a great story! Kudos to that manager for backing up the resort policies and calling out comments that would be inappropriate anywhere!
NudeNArizona #59

Re:A different way to view negative comments

Date Posted:12/03/2018 03:18:39Copy HTML

bmicro, Yes the manager was great! but the funny thing was after the manager left as did the women who were being nasty. A few of the other women in their tour group came over and apologized for their rude behavior, saying they were a bunch of old Prudes, and what did they expect coming the a "romantic couples resort" Even though none of them sunbathed nude a few did go topless.
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